Ever feel like the holidays, despite being sold to you as “the most wonderful time of the year,” feel even more challenging than the rest of the year? If so, you are NOT alone.

The holiday season affects everyone in very different ways. If you are dealing with anxiety, depression, or mental crisis, call the NAMI HelpLine at 1 (800) 950-NAMI or text NAMI to 741-741 to speak with a trained mental health professional. You are not alone.

The holiday season has been marketed to us for generations as the warm, fuzzy, magical time of the year when miracles and Christmas wishes all come true. And for some people, that might be the case. However, the holiday season can also be one of the most emotionally triggering times of the year-- in both good and bad ways. A study conducted by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) reports that 64% of those with mental illness report worsening symptoms during the holiday season. Added stress around the holidays can exacerbate anxiety and depression. Add a heaping spoonful of Global Pandemic, intense economic challenges, and a rapidly changing world, and it can be incredibly hard to just get through the day, much less feel that Hallmark Holiday Spirit. 

Feeling the need to re-assess some of your deep-seated ideas about the holidays to preserve your own well-being? Here are some ways to support yourself and make the season meaningful for YOU—not just meaningful for someone else. 

Your feelings are valid, even at the holidays

There is a strong societal tendency to gloss over the normal issues of life during the holiday season. Have you ever had a bad or frustrating day in Thanksgiving week? You are likely to hear, “Cheer up, it’s the holidays!” which can leave you feeling invalidated and ostracized. And if you have a tense family situation or traumatic history during this time of year, it can exacerbate the feelings of anxiety and isolation. It is important to recognize that, no matter what time of year it is or what holidays you celebrate (or don’t), your whole range of emotions is valid. Ignoring these emotions or being made to feel like they aren’t important by others can have lasting negative impacts on your wellbeing. It can be helpful to keep a journal, talk with a trusted friend, or talk to a mental health professional if you need extra support. 

Recognize your own needs

The holiday season is often a time of charity, acts of kindness, and service to others. But without setting boundaries and accepting your own needs first, it can be easy to overextend during the holidays. Determine your own needs in all the important areas of wellness (mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, financial, occupational, etc.) and set boundaries for yourself. As invitations for holiday parties, celebration plans, and more festive activities begin to accumulate in your inbox, make sure you are prioritizing your own needs before agreeing to attend. Feeling stretched a little thin? Spending too much time volunteering? It’s okay to firmly decline in order to tend to your own needs. You’ll be better suited to enjoy the other things you’ve agreed to if you’ve carved time and space for yourself. If your goal during the next couple of months is to experience the joy of the season, that’s great! Enjoy it. Just be sure to ask yourself if each commitment will truly bring you that joy, or if it’s more of an obligation that someone else has told you to prioritize.

Make Time for Your Own Relaxation

Over the holidays, it can feel like what precious little downtime is being taken from you by social obligations and houseguests, but relaxation isn't negotiable; if you don’t create time to relax during the holiday season, it is very easy to get swept up in too many things. This can create more stress and anxiety, and eventually lead to burnout. Build relaxation into your schedule (which is something we here at the Pearl recommend all year long, because we all function better when we’re well-rested and have a handle on our daily stressors). Set some time aside to enjoy a bath, read quietly, or go on a hike. Whatever self-care you enjoy, if, like me, you find it challenging to relax at home (I just always end up cleaning), then schedule something like a massage or facial appointment or a yoga class. It’s a guaranteed chunk of time where your only priority is to focus on you, and it makes it SO much easier to tell someone you already have a commitment when you actually do.

Get Enough Sleep and activity

A happy body leads to a happy mind. No amount of aromatherapy baths or journaling is going to help without your most basic needs being met first. Sleep, healthy food, and adequate physical activity can boost your body and mind’s resilience, allowing you to have the energy to enjoy all the feasting, partying, and gift giving of the season. And speaking of partying...

Don’t party too much...but party some. 

Alcohol, sugar, and all the joyously less healthy things associated with the holidays can also negatively affect certain conditions such as depression and anxiety. And while these are fun, remember that they aren’t necessary for enjoying the holidays. Sure, enjoy a treat or two every once in a while—depriving yourself only makes temptation greater, so use moderation when possible. Find a balance that works for you that leaves you neither feeling left out nor having to punish yourself for enjoying.

The holidays have the capacity to be both a wonderful, memory-filled time of year, and also a stressful, emotionally-draining one. You might celebrate whole-heartedly, or carry on with business as usual. Either way, prioritizing your wellbeing during a chaotic period like the holidays can prevent unnecessary stress and burnout. So as you deck the halls with boughs of holly, remember to put yourself at the top of your Christmas list this year.