As a queer person who has worked in a touch-centric industry for decades at this point, I can assuredly say that my relationship with touch was not always a simple or positive one.

The challenges faced by the queer community, which often go unnoticed by a heteronormative society, deserve attention and understanding. The narratives presented in stories, movies, advertisements, religious teachings, friendships, literature, and societal norms perpetuate the notion that there is a singular correct and acceptable storyline for people's lives, dismissing any other experiences as deviations to be concealed or left unspoken. Without counterbalancing messages to combat these pervasive feelings of exclusion, many of us have grown up with an inherent sense that our very essence as individuals is fundamentally flawed.

One particular aspect of this dynamic that merits significant attention is the importance of positive touch within the queer community, or more precisely, the lack thereof. Positive touch is an area that many of us have grappled with, both in the past and even into adulthood. When we are constantly confronted with implicit or explicit messages suggesting that our way of being is flawed, it becomes challenging to cultivate a healthy and positive relationship with touch and affection. The belief that we are somehow unworthy or inherently wrong can taint our perception of the kind of touch we desire to give and receive, leading us to question its appropriateness or goodness.

Positive touch extends far beyond the realm of physical contact, encompassing profound abilities to forge connections, mend emotional wounds, and cultivate a greater sense of belonging. Although the work conducted in a spa setting may not immediately appear deeply transformative or significant, I firmly believe that it possesses immense value in all those aspects. As a longtime massage therapist myself alongside a collective of other amazing practitioners, one of the most fulfilling aspects of our work lies in rebuilding individuals' relationship with positive touch and nurturing secure attachments. It is an immensely rewarding journey that holds the power to positively impact lives.

Here we will explore just a few of the profound impacts of positive touch on the well-being and resilience of queer individuals, highlighting its role in promoting self-acceptance, combating discrimination, and building supportive relationships.

1. Reclaiming Self-Acceptance: For many queer individuals, the journey towards self-acceptance can be challenging, as societal prejudices and heteronormative standards often cast doubts on our identities. Positive touch serves as a potent tool in reclaiming self-acceptance by reaffirming and validating personal experiences. Whether it's an affirming hug, a gentle touch, or an empathetic hand on the shoulder, physical connection can remind individuals that their identities are valid and deserving of love and acceptance. It provides a tangible and powerful message that our existence matters and that we belong.

2. Healing Emotional Wounds: There’s no way to mince words here: the queer community often faces higher rates of mental health issues due to the struggles of coming out, discrimination, and social isolation. Positive touch can play a pivotal role in healing emotional wounds caused by these experiences. Physical contact such as that received during hand holding, a massage, a facial, or just being close to those around whom we feel safe releases oxytocin, a hormone that promotes feelings of trust, bonding, and overall well-being. This can help alleviate anxiety, depression, and stress, allowing individuals to find solace and emotional healing within their community.

3. Challenging Discrimination: In a world where discrimination against the queer community still exists, positive touch becomes an act of resistance. It defies stereotypes and breaks down the barriers of prejudice. By embracing the many manifestations of touch and physical closeness, queer individuals challenge societal norms that attempt to marginalize and stigmatize us. Positive touch humanizes the queer experience, fostering empathy and understanding among both the queer and non-queer communities.

4. Building Supportive Relationships: Building and maintaining strong, supportive relationships is vital for the overall well-being of everyone, but especially for queer individuals. Positive touch facilitates deeper connections and builds trust within these relationships. From platonic gestures to intimate expressions of love, touch strengthens the bonds between partners, friends, and chosen family. It fosters a safe space where vulnerability can be embraced, allowing individuals to share their joys, sorrows, and triumphs. Through positive touch, the queer community cultivates a sense of unity, resilience, and empowerment.

5. Redefining a History of Negative Touch: An often unacknowledged aspect of bodywork lies in its remarkable ability to reshape our perception of touch, fostering a positive touch association to replace previously traumatic experiences. Individuals who have endured the horrors of rape or sexual abuse can suffer enduring and pervasive consequences resulting from the trauma of negative or violent touch. This experience disproportionately affects queer people of color and trans individuals. In recognition of this, certain bodyworkers and mental health clinicians have actively pursued specialized training to assist these communities, and people in general, in rediscovering touch as a source of positivity, well-being, and intimate human connection.

Positive touch holds transformative power within the queer community. It reaffirms self-acceptance, heals emotional wounds, challenges discrimination, and builds supportive relationships. As society continues to evolve, embracing positive touch becomes more critical than ever, as it enables the queer community to thrive in an environment that affords us the basics of life that others may take for granted. By recognizing and celebrating the importance of positive touch, we can participate in a world that embraces the beauty and resilience of the queer community, providing the love and support necessary for every individual to flourish.

No matter how you present or who you love, I’m glad you’re here. I hope you are, too.

In health,

Sean