As the holidays wind down each year, I find myself contemplating the past and looking forward to the future. This year has been, for lack of better words, a trash fire. 2020 has left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth, even if not directly impacted by this year’s challenges. And with those challenges have come painful, beautiful opportunities to learn and grow. As we ring in a new year, it’s important to recognize the struggle as well as the triumphs of the past in order to bring about positive, hopeful change for 2021.

“...It may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.”

— Maya Angelou

It would be a lie to say 2020 has been anything but tragic. It is important to recognize the hardships-- the COVID-19 pandemic, global economic crisis, and natural disasters have impacted almost every one of us deeply. Yet it is within uncharted hardships that you can find the most opportunity for growth. Maya Angelou once wrote, “...It may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it.” Ideally, the ego in us all would prefer one or two small defeats at a time, maybe some baby-steps to try out before we face our big challenges. But that’s the thing about adversity and growth-- we don’t get to choose the calamities that befall us. If that were the case, I certainly would not have willingly agreed to a global pandemic. What I do get to choose are the steps I take to learn and grow as a human.

When the novel coronavirus pandemic forced the Pearl to close for several months back in March, I found myself learning how to slow down and cherish the quieter moments of life. This was a really difficult lesson; as someone who has high levels of anxiety, I tend to keep busy to avoid being left alone with my thoughts. I keep myself so busy that my brain is always in task mode. But suddenly I, like so many, was left with only free time on my hands and nothing to do. It was a struggle. As the closure grew from 2 weeks to 2 months, I was forced to learn new ways to give myself the compassionate space to feel emotions and new strategies to identify and name my cyclical anxious thoughts. I began to see the value of downtime again, rather than seeing it as something to avoid, labelled as “unproductive.” This shift in perspective emanates throughout my life, to see the value in more things I never gave stock to before.

As I look back on the events of this past year, I find myself drawn more to the changes I have made in my life than the actual obstacles I overcame. I focus less on the tragedies that have occurred, and more on the stronger bonds I have made with family I cannot see in-person. I am drawn to the immense gratitude I feel toward my small community that I can reach out to in hard times and proud that I can offer even the smallest helping hand to those who are at different stages of their journey.

While you bid farewell to this year and look forward to 2021, I encourage you to look back at photos, journal entries, Facebook posts, and other mementos from the beginning of this year, before the proverbial poo hit the fan. Knowing what you know now, what would you tell that version of yourself? What priorities and values have changed or become clearer to you? Take a moment to reflect on the seeds you planted, and may we all continue to work toward a better future. We all have the capacity to build our resilience, to find gratitude, and see a glimmer of hope. The lessons we have learned in strife will be the ones we continue to draw from throughout our lives.

Thank you 2020, and goodbye forever.

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